Sex in Cuba: A Guide to Getting Laid

It’s telling that pinga, slang equivalent of 'penis,’ is one of the most frequently used words in Cuba. The go-to insult for anyone and his mother—especially his mother— it’s used in about as many different connotations as “fuck” is in America. You can eat pinga, talk pinga, or fuck pinga; and whether you’re giving or taking, this island offers something sexy at every turn. OTP’s got the advice guaranteed to get your hands on more than just a cigar.

If you speak a little Spanish, you’ll quickly grasp that just about every exchange in Cuba is overtly sexual.  A completely normal—even expected—street conversation: “Yo Mami, still digesting last night’s pork? Lookin’ THICK baby!” Shouting questionably objective come-ons to strangers isn’t anything special. If you want to get down, be a straight-shooter—ask for sex like you would for the time. If you no speak-o espanol, just stare, wink, and look like you need some lovin'. Throwing in an Oye Mami, que bolá?” is icing on the cake.  For those hunting pinga, switch mami to  papi and be prepared to have a line form around the block.

We’re not lying, exactly, but buried in all the raucous sexuality is a finely-tuned sense of self. You’ll have to fight for it, but your chances of being blue-balled are less in this country where “no” usually does mean “yes.” Persistence is key. Treat the whole game with a sense of humor and turn your trip into a sextravaganza.

The moistest soil is found at hedonism’s headquarters: the nightclub. Nothing turns Cubans on like bachata or other dance-floor dry humps native to the country. In a place where music is so intertwined with culture, dancing is often a test of virility. Drop that salsa instructional book you bought—today’s clubs are almost  pure merengue and reggaeton, both of which you can dance to pretty much like hip hop. Grind it, rub up all over it and you’re golden. If the club isn’t your scene, try spitting game on any plaza, or take a stroll through the University of Havana.

Cuba’s got some lofty options for casual lovemaking. If you don’t feel like breaking in the hostel, almost every city has a room-by-the-hour hotel and they’re pretty much exclusively reserved for one night (hour) stands and sordid adultery. Most are open 24 hours and the rooms usually go for less than $5 an hour. For full-on cultural immersion, just go ahead and offer to escort her home; it’s common for people to sexile that cousin on the couch for conducting bedroom business. Along with a great story to tell, you might even get some fried plantains out of it.

The gay and lesbian community is much like the racial boundaries in Cuba, integrated and embraced. Pajarito is a saucy, endearing term for gays that means “little bird.” Even though Cuba is more liberal when it comes to homosexuality than other Latin American countries, the word maricón (f*g) gets thrown around more than it should, and it’s a good one to avoid using while you’re there. Lesbian culture is a bit more repressed than boy-on-boy action, so unfortunately, ladies, you might have to ask around a bit more to get yours. The good news is that any female sex-worker will put the cellophane to your membrane if you front the fula (money, honey). But if boy-girl girl-boys are your dish, you’re definitely in luck: Trannies are the hot tamales in Havana right now. Their flamboyancy makes those girls in New York’s West Village seem like cars salesmen. Think RuPaul dressed as Chiquita Banana with lots of rolled R’s and plenty of fierceness. If you’re not looking for it and your gaydar is lacking, brush up on what an Adam’s apple looks like.

Despite Cuba’s communist regime, capitalism rules the sex trade. If your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, it only makes sense to capitalize on the assets. Jineteras are easy to spot by their expensive clothing and kiss-blowing lips, but even the girl who says no to you at the disco might be willing to go home with you for a small service charge. You can get it for free, sure, but a mere $10 might just cover the best lay of your life—these are professionals, people. Old Havana, the Vedado district and the alameda (promenade) in Cienfuegos are the best places to find someone to blow your mind (and it only gets cheaper the farther east you wander). You could snag some ass for as little as 100 pesos ($4) in the province of Oriente, while a street-walker in Havana could ask for as much as $80 U.S.

Easy sex aside, confidence is always the universal aphrodisiac. Don't get us wrong, there is definitely some dignity in the Cuban dating game—people are always down to get dirty, but that doesn’t mean it lacks finesse. Get your swagger straight and use our guide to figure out the lay of the land.