Buenos Aires is a hotbed of sexual experiences just waiting to be discovered. The romance of Paris mingled with fiery Latin culture guarantees an explosive roller coaster ride in the bedroom (or if you feel like taking the Jesus roller coaster, they've got that too). Let OTP supercharge your libido with these tips (and not just the tip) to getting laid in the Paris of the South.
To whet your sexual appetite, make your way to La Boca (Spanish for the mouth), a neighborhood where you can catch street tango performances–perfect for a little pre-bang voyeurism. If you need more titillating tango, put on your fancy pants and visit a milonga (dance salon) to ease into getting friendly with the locals. For some manly action, La Marshall milonga is exclusively gay, so throw a rose in your mouth and an “I mean business” look on your face.
In Da Club
Nightlife in Buenos Aires is renowned worldwide and clubs are a good place to start your search for a horizontal tango partner. Porteños love to party until dawn, so take a siesta before you hit the town. On Thursday nights, Club Niceto transforms into Club 69. Anything that turns into our favorite number is sure to bring the heat – expect things to get sweltering at around 2:30 am, when the performers arrive. For a more casual boliche (nightclub) experience, head to the Roxy where you can rock out to everything from Guns N Roses to the Beach Boys. Most guides ignore the Roxy, so it’s a great place to practice your pick-up lines on the locals. Maintain your stamina after a hard night of dancing in the streets and stumble over to Caix for the after party, where you can hit the floor until Sunday afternoon (9 am to 3 pm.) Gays, shimmy over to Glam, a crowded space that will have you sword fighting in no time. If you need more room to showcase your moves, Amerik is the biggest and wildest gay disco in town.
In Buenos Aires, male machismo is as plentiful as steak. Picking up a hunk of Argentine man meat, means stroking his ego before anything else. Taking girls home is a bit more challenging, since Argentine women are expected to be sweet and virginal. The good news is: according to a recent study by Axe body spray (a very reputable source), Argentine women like sex more than women in any other country. This same survey indicates that chocolate was a close second. What have we learned? Lure that virgin kitty into the bedroom with a Snickers bar and watch her transform into a horny tigress.
Once all that Quilmes secures your beer goggles, you’ll be ready for some sloppy, drunk sex. Argentines are far too classy for rolling around on your hostel bottom bunk, so pay a few pesos for a telo – by-the-hour hotels where politicians regularly commit their carnal sins. Identified by the words “albergue transitorio”, telos are the ultimate no-strings-attached facilitators. Themed rooms like spaceships, Roman ruins, or Egyptian pyramids– in case you want to get on all fours and play the Sphinx- let you act out your fantasies without committing for the entire night. Hotel Pink has rates as low as $70 pesos ($15 USD) for one hour. Need more than 60 minutes? We don't buy it.
If the only meat you’ve managed to secure in Buenos Aires has grill marks, then head to Plaza de Miserere, or “Prostitution Plaza,” where you can pay to ride like a gaucho. Prostitution is legal in Argentina, so you won’t have to worry about raising bail after splurging on that hot honey. Porteños are welcoming and friendly folks – own your tourist status. Argentines value family so show off pictures of parents and siblings back home to reduce your creep factor.
Play your cards right and you may find it takes three, or more, to tango in Buenos Aires. Just remember not to be a fool and wrap that tool–unless of course you’re ready to start a family, or excited by the idea of STDs. It's not that hard to get Porteños to spread eagle but it does require a little proper etiquette. Brush off your dancing shoes, dress to impress and start mingling with the hottest Argentine locals in very intimate ways.