Hostel Sex: A Fool Proof Plan to Getting it on

hostel-sex
Scenario: You're staying in a hostel. You've been there for a few days. You have become friendly with all of your roommates, but you've become a little extra friendly with someone in particular.

Question: How do you get it on with this someone in particular without being inconsiderate of your roommates?

Answer: Use your head (just for a few more minutes, then you can let your privates take the wheel). There are plenty of places within or nearby your hostel where you and your partner can find the privacy needed to have a fiery night of passion or (more likely), a few minutes of kick-ass drunken sex.

Hit the showers.


The bathroom might not be the cleanest or best-smelling place in the building but it could still be a lot of fun. Get busy in a shower stall. Turn the hot water on and steam the place up a bit. The sound of the running shower also adds some good white noise so you don't have to worry about being so quiet.

laundry-sex

Visit the laundry room.


Late at night, when everyone is sleeping, the laundry room is a great spot for a sexy rendezvous. The clean sheets, towels and the boxes of fabric softener make the laundry room a cozy love den.

Check the mystery doors.


Be nosy. Check all the doors. One of them is bound to be a broom closet or some sort of storage room. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), these rooms are usually small and cluttered. Also, more often than not, they do not have a light. Be prepared for some clumsy fumbling in the dark. It'll be like eighth grade all over again.

sex-on-the-roofTake to the sky.


See if the building has roof access. Usually, city buildings have access to the roof but it's not always easy to find. You might have to climb a ladder up through a hatch on the top floor or hop out the window and walk up the fire escape. If you do wind up getting onto the roof, you're in for a good time under the stars.

Be one with nature.


Go outside. Maybe there's a beach nearby or some good tree coverage. A walk on the beach or a stroll in the woods could lead you to a private spot out in the open air (and make for a great story to bring home). However, if you're staying in a more urban location, finding privacy outside is probably not your best bet. Don't go getting naked in a dark alley (or if you do, watchful eye, best thing you can do).

hostel-sexyFake Sick


It's not like you've never done it before to get out of school. So you know the basics: cough, scratch your eyes a lot, complain about everything, hell, if you can muster up some snot, be our guest. Thing is, during these times of H1N1, sickness scares the shit out of people. The sicker you act, the less people will want to stay in your germ-infested hostel room. Next thing you know, you're all alone in your room. Let your partner in on the sick lie and have yourself some disease-free friskiness.

Bang the Owner's Son/Daughter


A lot of hostels are family businesses. So that hot chick at the front desk or the shirtless beast cleaning the toilets may be the owner's kid. Get in good with the family. Chances are, the owner's kid has access to a lot of secret hostel nooks and crannies you may not know about (like the storage room for one). Just make sure daddy doesn't hide a riffle under the check-in desk.

Tell Everyone it's Your Birthday!


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Why not? Nobody really knows you that well. Pick a local watering hole and invite all your hostelmates out for a night of celebration in your honor. Set a start time and remind everyone not to be late. When everyone has left for your birthday party and you're still getting ready for your big night, get a good lay in wherever you choose in the empty hostel (we go for the kitchen). Then brush your teeth and head out for your party. Even if it's not your birthday, surely you can find reason to celebrate.

Turn up the Heat/Turn Down the Air


Now this only applies to the fancier hostels that have such luxuries. If you are lucky enough to stay somewhere where you have access to the room's temperature controls, turn that sucker way up (or down) and make it unlivable for your roommates. Chances are they won't take the time to figure out why it's so hot/cold and temporarily move on to more temperate climates outside the room. Invite your partner into your self-made hot/cold sex trap and use your bodies to regulate the temperature. It may not be ecologically friendly but we promise the ozone will forgive you this one time.

sextoiletjpgMovie Night


Get your hands on a movie, any movie (The Big Labowski for instance) and pop it on in the common room. Depending on where your hostelmates are from, they may not understand most of what's going on but it's all the same. While their eyes and ears are focused on the movie, you can get some good groping in. Don't forget to flip the lights off, hell make popcorn; all in the name of dirty lovin.

We hope this list inspires you to get some where some is due. So get busy! But don't ruin everyone else's time.

No one wants to hear you moanin', groanin' and carryin' on while they're trying to sleep. Keep it safe and fun, and play on playas!